I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
