She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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