grandma shit on top of the toilet
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
