apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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