Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
