fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
