hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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