you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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