As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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