you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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