I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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