I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
