made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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