I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
