when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
