I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize