about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The ass gains better be worth it
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