she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
