and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
