we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
