I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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