That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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