Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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