I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
