you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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