just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
