And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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