We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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