If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
