I can text with my tongue
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
