I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The uberlube is also flammable
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
