Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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