It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
