Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
