I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
