WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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