I cannot find my penis.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
