Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
