I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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