my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
