I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
