I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
