If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
