the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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