Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize