This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
