Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
