waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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