why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
