Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
