I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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