my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
