tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
