I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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