I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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