literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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