a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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