Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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