we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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