its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
