i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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