Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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