In the future we'll all be gay
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
