whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize