walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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