I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
