so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You ruined the universe
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
