I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My hand turned me down
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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