so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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