Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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