I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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