who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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