There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
