how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
