You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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