four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
