just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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