I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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