Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
