you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
