two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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