I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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